Tuesday, 10 May 2011

The phantom of the night

Tomorrow is rubbish day. The day when all our bin bags full of village detritus get put out for all to see, seven days of life safely encased in a black plastic sack.

Tomorrow is also recycling day, although we get confused in The Enchanted Village as to which fortnight is which. If Mrs Bancroft has put hers out, we know it's the wrong week. She may be wise and regal, but she is useless when it comes to knowing which week is recycling week. Pelly, oh-Girl-Guide-wise-one, always gets it right but her lane is a little bit far for us to check every week. She is also the kind of person to make her recycled goods into a wholesome Christmas present so there is never much evidence of her every-day folk life.

Jamie Lee and Ted Moult usually know recycling week from their elbow. Pelly has often counted their bottles of Becks and Chardonnay when passing by in the morning.

'They've had a party and we weren't invited,' she'll say, as she crosses the road and goes on to prod the recycling pile of Posh Totty and MDF Man with her sort of walking-ski-stick. Plenty of beer and wine there, we agree.

Well, this week we were invited to the party. And Jamie Lee says we were the first to be asked. If we could come, she confides some weeks ago, she'd build the date around us. (I'm sure she says that to all the bright young things in The Enchanted Village).

And what a party it was. This is their recycling this week, photographed from the safety of Mr Grigg's Freeloader as we shoot up through the street. I do not wish to incur Ted's wrath, so we take the picture with stealth, like a pocket camera paparazzi.

'If they see this on the blog,' I say, 'I'll tell them Pelly took the photo.'

Mmm, kind of shot myself in the foot there.

Anyway, tonight we swoop back into the village after a fundraising meeting and spot a phantom of the night, creeping out from the front of his house with a hefty bin bag full of stuff which he then straps to the public bin next to the village green.

'Porn,' says Mr Grigg, confidently.

The phantom looks around and goes back inside for several cases of spent Chilean Merlot which he then secretes on the doorsteps of Night Nurse and Mrs Bancroft. Caught in the act! And to think for some months we thought these two dear ladies were particularly heavy drinkers. Arsenic and old lace.

That's about it.

Love Maddie x

1 comment:

  1. The only way I can ever be certain which bins to put out (and when) is by copying what the neighbours do. If they get it wrong - we get it wrong. (And, I suspect, the same thing happens as a ripple down the street and we all get it wrong!)



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