Mr Grigg had a bad night last night. He was tossing and turning as if he were on a spit. This morning, at breakfast, he told me he'd been having a nightmare.
'This is going to sound really weird...' he said, as I slurped my tea. 'But I dreamed I had a Cornish pasty stuck up my bottom.'
There was an interlude while he mopped up the PG Tips I spat all over him.
'Do you want me to tell you more?' he said. 'Or do you want to finish your Weetabix?'
I needed to know what happened next.
Once the Weetabix was safely down my gullet, he said: 'Well, I went to the doctor's, and I was in this kind of medical centre common room and there were lots of other doctors there. My doctor saw me and asked me what was wrong. I was really embarrassed and I whispered to him about the pasty. "Oh," the doctor said, in a loud voice, "I've had one of those up my own bottom for the past 18 months".
At this point, I was trying to get the jam out of the jar for my toast but Mr Grigg almost ended up wearing it.
He went on: 'So I didn't hang around - if he couldn't get his own out, what chance did I have? So I tried to get it out and it took ages. It really hurt. And do you know why it hurt so much?'
No, I didn't have a clue but I could imagine a pasty up the jacksy could be a tad painful, even in a dream.
Completely straight-faced, he said:'Well, it was a Ginsters pasty, and they're square.'
I frowned. 'Was this really a dream or were you just telling me a joke?'
'No, no,' he said very earnestly. 'I dreamt it, honestly.'
I'm not a Ginsters expert but I don't think their pasties are square. I'm sure they're very nice but, in all honesty, after Mr Grigg's dream I don't think I will be trying one to find out. In this household, it could be tempting fate. But it's one way of keeping your pasty warm I suppose.
Breakfast over, I kissed Mr Grigg on the forehead, patted his bottom and went out in the garden to collapse in a heap.
That's about it
Love Maddie x
PS I've just been given a Lemonade Award for stopping by and reading Maternal Tales' blog. So I'd like to pass it on to Pondside for her always interesting comments. How else would I have ever learned that in Canada the name for a strimmer is a weed wacker?
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