Would you believe it? A thief in the night has stolen the bonnet from Mrs Home-Under-The-Hammer's car. One evening it was there, next morning gone. We wait with bated breath at what might be taken next. A windscreen, perhaps, from a Land Rover? A rear passenger's side door from a Volvo? I wouldn't be at all surprised if in a week's time we discover a strange hybrid car parked in the Square, made up of lots of different bits. Maybe the thief is a kind of auto version of the killer in Silence of the Lambs and making himself a car suit. He will screech into the Square singing: 'I've got a bonnet trimmed in blue, do you wear it, yes I do'. Or more likely 'Transformers, robots in disguise...'
Picture: Optimus Prime
Talking of Volvos, we were being taken to a wedding by a friend who is occasionally loaned cars to test drive and write about them. I got in and thought 'this is a nice Volvo' (they are usually only fit to be driven by old men with caps and sticking out ears but this was a bit of all right) and wondered what model it was. So I said 'nice car, what is it?'. His wife turned round from the front seat. 'Oh,' she said. ' It's a vulva.' My laughter came out in such a snort I had to wipe my nose on the sleeve of my new jacket.
This weekend, I will be mostly attending the latest film show in the village hall - a weepie, this one, The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas - entertaining the grand-daughter (I was a child bride), helping Mr Grigg to find a new car, looking for an old-style radiator, checking out carpets, visiting my parents, entertaining Number One Daughter and Number One Stepdaughter and their entourages to Sunday lunch, maybe cleaning the house and then trying to fit in some OU study. I am way behind on my latest course. This week I was meant to watch Titanic for the economic bit of film history but I have been putting it off. I didn't like it the first time because 1) Leonardo DiCaprio looks, acts and sounds about twelve, 2) such a real-life tragedy was reduced to Hollywood drivel, 3) the masses loved it so enough said. By the time the ship hit the iceberg, I wanted them all to die. Very quickly.
That's about it
Love Maddie x
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