I have just caught the tail end of Celebrity Mastermind. It was won by that smug bastard John Sessions. I knew a number of questions he didn't know, which was very satisfying. But he is too clever by half (whatever that means). He has also started talking in much more of a Scottish accent than he used to than in the days of Whose Line is it Anyway? Is there no beginning to his talents?
The TV is being flicked on and off. I am going stir crazy, confined to barracks by a heavy cold. I used to scoff at people who said they had a 'touch of flu' - you've either got it or you haven't. And when flu strikes, you know it. However, this has been really debilitating, annoying and energy-zapping. It really feels like a touch of flu and has wiped me out over Christmas. There used to be a cough medicine in these parts known as Fudge's Firewater. Bottles were restricted to one per household and you had to sign for it. Only one chemist had the recipe and was allowed to sell it. It tasted like Red Diesel mixed with the finest brandy - lovely! And as it shifted your fever, you hallucinated at the same time. I remember being tucked up in bed and seeing a face made up of lots of dots, zig-zagging all over the wall. One minute it was smiling, the next scowling. Scary but interesting.
When the independent chemist was taken over by a national chain, a notice went up on the door saying they could no longer source the ingredients for Fudge's Firewater. It transpired this was not entirely true and more to do with the arsenic and other ingredients that went to make up this marvellous medicine. Now I have to take out a mortgage to get the latest cure-all - Manuka honey.
More stories are emerging about how the fight started in the pub. As I haven't been out for several days, I have been unable to do any digging to get at the truth. However, it is clear this place is going downhill. On Sunday someone wrote 'fuck' and 'gay' in the frost on two ladies' car bonnets. This place is going downhill.
Celebrity Mastermind has finished and I have just found one of my favourite films. Babe. It always makes me cry at the end. Farmer Hoggett is so like my father.
That's about it
Love Maddie x
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