Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Introducing the world from my window…

Hi, I’m Maddie Grigg and the world from my window is ever-changing. Living in a village square, you see all sorts of things – from morris dancers performing outside the pub on a balmy summer’s evening to huntsmen gathering for the stirrup cup next door before setting off for their first hunt of the year. We have Palm Sunday processions down to the church with a donkey brought in for the occasion, drivers parking like French people – anywhere – to nip into the shop for a paper and cows being herded to fresh pastures on the other side of the village. It’s hardly the most exciting of places, but you never quite know what’s going to happen next. This week, a ginger wig blew past the window up Church Path.

This morning I see the paperboy going about his round in his usual sleepy state, nearly getting knocked over by Scooter Boy who zooms by at 7.30am on the bike-with-no-silencer, followed ten minutes later by Glidoh-Girl, whose moped sounds so smooth it glides. The paperboy is walking up towards Cherry Fields Lane, past the new houses designed to look more like a village than the village itself when, suddenly, right in front of him, a blob on the pavement comes to life. With a hissing sound, the blob turns into a giant plastic reindeer. It is not until the paperboy is nose to snub nose with the animal he realises it is the inflatable Christmas decorations on number 22, the ones that pump up and come alive but only during the day.

Other breaking news: We’ve just found out that the vicar has been done for drinking and driving. It has been hushed up for several months but an incensed parishioner has leaked it to the local paper. A rota is being drawn up to ferry him from church to church to sick, needy person to sick, needy person. Such tolerant sympathy. Ironic really - our last vicar was almost hounded out, not because she’s a divorcee but because she’s a woman.

The milkman’s milk is so expensive but people don’t want to give it up because he’s Mandy Freeman’s brother, he’s local and been doing it for years.

A 16-year-old left in the house on her own last week while her mum went on holiday to Tenerife has had a tattoo done on her backside. The person who told me that said 'bum' but we don't use that word in my house (nor do we use the words 'toilet' or 'lounge').

Mamma Mia's husband has a horse bite on his neck. I asked Mamma Mia how she’s so sure it’s a horse. She told me: ‘Happened at Littlehampton and I know there ain’t no woman at Littlehampton so t’ad to be horse.’

I delivered most of the by-hand Christmas cards today and party invites. A white deer jumped out of the forest and ran past me as a woodpecker tap-tap-tapped in the leafless wood.

An amateur astronomer has just told me a comet called Holmes, bigger than the moon, can be seen in the sky directly overhead at around 9pm. I haven’t seen it yet but will report back as soon as I do.

That's about it
Maddie x

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